Hey, I actually kind of like the wooden body! And LoserCars is funny, but it really isn't fair to use Third World photos, which really should be applauded as examples of human ingenuity. Or humor. Or something.

Now, I'll just wait for someone to make fun of r*cecars, and someone else to call racism on him, and the thread to go downhill from there, ending up in MeTa.
posted by Slithy_Tove at 9:48 AM on December 23, 2002

The wooden-bodied one is from right here in Utah.

For some reason, this doesn't surprise me one bit.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 9:57 AM on December 23, 2002

kind of assumes that there are cars that don't suck, though, doesn't it?

owning a car is the single most damaging thing you can do to the environment (and don't give me crap about electric cars or whatever unless you actually own one). i don't own a car. i don't want to own a car. i choose where i live and work so that i don't need a car. i suspect the majority of you could too.

ok, now let's get back to laughing at people in a lower social class than ourselves...

this intermission was brought to you by the hair-shirted, smug, self-righteous, fun-hating, short-sighted luddite coallition of self-hating members of capitalist western society (still right though).
posted by andrew cooke at 9:58 AM on December 23, 2002

letting a fart is the single most damaging thing you can do to the environment (and don't give me crap about fart filters or whatever unless you actually own one). i don't fart. i don't want to fart. i choose what and where i eat so that i don't need to fart. i suspect the majority of you could too.

ok, now let's get back to laughing at people in a lower intestinal class than ourselves...
posted by quonsar at 10:03 AM on December 23, 2002

Raggin' on the DS -- that is just not right.
posted by Dick Paris at 10:06 AM on December 23, 2002

I think the wooden body's pretty funny, personally. I just hope it was meant in jest, not as a serious modification. I have been thinking of doing something similar as a joke. I was going to buy that fake wood paper used to re-surface compressed board desks and put it on the sides of my '94 Saturn (contain your jealousy, please!) as wood paneling. A number of factors have kept this from happening.

Also, the ugliest cars in Britain happens to be one of the ugliest websites i've ever seen. Orange and black only work for Halloween, and even then they are ugly, but at least they're tradition (in the U.S. at least). Add to that navy blue, light yellow, bright green and bright red and you are throwing stones from a glass house.
posted by untuckedshirts at 10:08 AM on December 23, 2002

Riceboypage.com offers similar material, including modified big wheels. The PT Cruiser and VW Beetle are available in woodie models, but plywood is much cooler.

owning a car is the single most damaging thing you can do to the environment

Andrew Cooke, wouldn't dropping a few nukes or sinking an oil tanker be worse than driving?

untuckedshirts, I used wood print contact paper to create an "inlay" look on the fake woodgrain dash of my land yacht.
posted by Frank Grimes at 10:13 AM on December 23, 2002

ok, now let's get back to laughing at people in a lower social class than ourselves...

Which is why I agree that it's not fair to poke fun of the 3rd-world cars. They're more a feat of ingenuity than anything else. (aside: in Cuba, people have gone to herculean lengths to keep their pre-1957 cars running because there are less restrictions on buying and selling cars made before Castro came to power).

What makes "loser cars" like the wooden body kit funny in the US is the fact that they are present within a rich country and put together by people that want to appear like they have a lot of money. That's what makes the rusted Cadillacs so hilarious. They're supposed to be the epitome of an American Luxury Car, but yet they're rotting away as they continue to be driven by their supposedly sophisticated drivers of discriminating taste. It's the aborted attempt at social climbing and trying to seem cool that makes it funny.
posted by deanc at 10:13 AM on December 23, 2002

Don't worry, I own extra cars, just to keep the average pollution up. I let them idle all day. Oh, and when I drive them, I strap puppies to the tires. That is all.
posted by blue_beetle at 10:13 AM on December 23, 2002

The wooden panelling reminds me of the 'pea green' station wagon Chevy Chase drives in 'National Lampoon's Vacation'. Anyone got a picture of that monstrosity?

i choose what and where i eat so that i don't need to fart. i suspect the majority of you could too.

I know you were being sarcastic, but sure, if you want to get constipation and bowel cancer, as all roughage will probably lead to farting somewhere along the line *g*
posted by wackybrit at 10:16 AM on December 23, 2002

wackybrit: Will a t-shirt featuring the Family Truckster suffice?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:31 AM on December 23, 2002

Frank, thanks for getting riceboys up there, it has some really fabulous tragedies. I think there's nothing funnier then a front wheel drive car with a gigantic rear spoiler, i mean cause when i get the car going fast enough to get the spoiler functional (let's say 100 mph) i find that i really want to add friction to wheels that do nothing.
On a sad note though is that the parts for these cars have to come from somewhere. I used to own a 1984 toyota celica, and had it stolen in 2000 (yes, a 16 year old car) and gutted for parts. I'm sure somewhere in Lowell (the place cars go to die) the remants of buckin betty are covered in tacky clothing and raced up and down a residential street.
posted by NGnerd at 10:44 AM on December 23, 2002

The wood-panneled Sentra was intended as a piss-take. The owner of the car said as much in the eBay auction where it first started getting publicity, if you dare call it that. He said that he inteded it to poke fun at the ricers, but they actually seemed to think it was cool.

I have the link here somewhere...

andrew cooke: You raise some great points. I'll think about them the next time I'm tearing up a backwoods country road. Then I'll get home and go right to work clubbing some baby seals. Cheers!
posted by jammer at 12:23 PM on December 23, 2002

The architect/woodworker part of me hates to see misplaced wood but I sure do love that "woody beetle". Hell, just I like saying "woody beetle".
posted by Dick Paris at 12:42 PM on December 23, 2002

er, I just... WTF? Welcome, of spirit Yoda.
posted by Dick Paris at 12:44 PM on December 23, 2002

Isn't anyone else going to own up to once owning one of the cars on the Ugliest Cars page? I once owned an Allegro. It was actually a nice car, apart from a disturbing tendancy to start shaking whenever I reached 60 mph. Also, in the time I had it, I had to change both the engine and the gearbox. I remember driving home from a New Years' Eve bash with no reverse, 1st or 2nd gear. Pulling away at traffic lights was a laugh..
posted by salmacis at 1:41 PM on December 23, 2002

Car modification is becoming a way of life for all trendy 17-25 year olds.

And every single one of them works on his car at the end of my street on a weekend, turning the place into the Brands Hatch pit for slappered-up Citroens. I'm sure the things burn more petrol revving up on the kerb than out on the road.
posted by riviera at 9:45 PM on December 23, 2002

In defense of rear spoilers, they're good for medium speed cornering even in a front wheel drive car. Of course, none of those punks can actually take a corner right. They're mostly interested in booming systems and 1/4 mile times. I'm not sure what kind of effect a heavy system in the rear would counteract the effect of a spoiler (more momentum in the back moving in the opposite direction of a turn vs the downforce to help keep the back wheels from kicking out vs the weight helping keep the rear wheels down). And it sure as hell doesn't help 1/4 mile times in a FWD.

I hate the huge aftermarket spoilers myself for looks, but I do like the way a small factory spoiler looks on most cars. It gives the back of the car a nice accent, even though, it is just for looks, and is mostly non functional.
posted by klaruz at 11:39 PM on December 23, 2002

I hate the huge aftermarket spoilers myself for looks, but I do like the way a small factory spoiler looks on most cars. It gives the back of the car a nice accent, even though, it is just for looks, and is mostly non functional.

I was bemoaning my fate the other day, driving my 91 Honda Accord to work and back. It needs new tires, a driver's side window, CV Joints, and an air freshener would probably help things as well. It's got over 200,000 miles on it.

At a stop light, a car with those tinted lights comes up behind me, revs its engine, and decides to pull up beside me in the empty left lane. Lo and behold, it's a 91 Honda Accord (same model as mine: LX Coupe), with a big spoiler, underbody lighting, and more decals and tinting than one would expect possible.

I nearly had to pull over I was snickering so much.
posted by thanotopsis at 4:10 AM on December 24, 2002

Try this for size then. These guys are for real. Tony's Cinquecento is putrid, those twin pipes make it look like a wheelbarrow! And how do you drive it without puking at the sight of the interior? Money well spent... well, it certainly makes a statement ;) If you were hitchhiking and this stopped would you get in out of the rain or continue to walk in the wet?
posted by DrDoberman at 6:17 AM on December 24, 2002

Don't hate on car guys, they don't hurt anybody.

A young mans car customization hobby is motivated (in me anyway) by pretty much the same drive that fuels older types and their train sets. It's like wood working in the basement for the younger set.

Even if the result doesn't work out (you should see my old home tint job) a lot of sober hours go into this junk and it beats playing PS2 all day.
posted by Leonard at 7:50 AM on December 25, 2002