Can we take all the carrot/carat puns as a given?
posted by ricochet biscuit at 12:23 PM on August 16, 2017 [6 favorites]

I had to resist the impulse mightily, ricochet biscuit...
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 12:29 PM on August 16, 2017 [4 favorites]

Three times is said to be a conspiracy. Aren't carrots distantly related to the mandrake?
posted by infini at 12:32 PM on August 16, 2017 [5 favorites]

Carrot rings and giant sloth tunnels. What will tomorrow bring? The eclipse is next week. Is all this somehow related?
posted by BlueHorse at 12:42 PM on August 16, 2017 [4 favorites]

who is marrying all these carrots
posted by poffin boffin at 12:45 PM on August 16, 2017 [49 favorites]

i am kinkshaming
posted by poffin boffin at 12:45 PM on August 16, 2017 [20 favorites]

Can I blame Carrot Top for this?

Please?
posted by mosk at 12:50 PM on August 16, 2017

i am kinkshaming

Imma just gonna leave this here...a poem by Lorna Crozier, entitled "Carrots", from The Garden Going on Without Us:

Carrots are fucking the earth. a
permanent erection, they push deeper
into the dark damp and dark.
all summer long
they try so hard to please
was it good for you,
was it good?

Perhaps because the earth wont answer
they keep on trying
while you stroll through the garden
think carrot cake,
carrots and onions in beef stew,
carrot pudding with caramel sauce,
they are fucking their brains out
in the hottest part of the afternoon.

And this, folks, is why you should wash your vegetables.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 12:52 PM on August 16, 2017 [50 favorites]

Can we take all the carrot/carat puns as a given?

I agree, but if someone were to make karat or caret puns, I wouldn't care at all.
posted by aubilenon at 1:17 PM on August 16, 2017 [7 favorites]

When will the US catch up the rest of the developed world and accept carrot-human marriage? I blame the Puritans.
posted by Emmy Rae at 1:25 PM on August 16, 2017 [3 favorites]

This is the greatest post I've seen all week.
posted by Mchelly at 1:56 PM on August 16, 2017 [2 favorites]

are carrots the crows of vegetables?
posted by Foci for Analysis at 2:10 PM on August 16, 2017

Thank you, hurdy and poffin and mandolin, you rescued my day.
posted by ragtag at 2:13 PM on August 16, 2017 [3 favorites]

My father lost his wedding ring while gardening.... and found it on a tomato plant. So there.
posted by acrasis at 2:27 PM on August 16, 2017 [5 favorites]

who is marrying all these carrots

I have no idea how these people got their wedding rings wedged onto their carrots, or why.
posted by cyrusdogstar at 2:45 PM on August 16, 2017 [2 favorites]

i am kinkshaming

Meanwhile, this week in a nearby village...
posted by Wordshore at 4:26 PM on August 16, 2017 [4 favorites]

From Wordshore's link: Rosemary explained that the parish council must give six months¡¯ notice to the borough council, and that the toilets would be closed for the immediate future.

She confirmed that the toilets were shut for the same reasons in 2009.

Were Parsley, Sage and Thyme unavailable for comment?
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:31 PM on August 16, 2017 [3 favorites]

So in case anyone is wondering, here is the genesis of this post: yesterday evening while I was reading the news and feeling depressed, I saw this headline on the CBC website: "'It still fits': Diamond ring missing since 2004 turns up on garden carrot." Intrigued, I clicked on it, and lo and behold there was the video with the amazing screenshot of the diamond ring firmly lodged around the carrot. I read the article, smiled, and closed the tab.

Later, I decided it would be nice to share this thing I had found because it might make other people smile too. So I lazily googled "wedding ring on carrot," figuring it would just lead me right back to the story of this woman from Alberta. I mean, how many wedding rings on carrots could there be in the world? BUT NO! I found not one but TWO other stories just like it!!

THREE CARROTS WEARING LONG-LOST WEDDING RINGS?? Well, at that point I knew it was my duty to make this Metafilter post.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 4:44 PM on August 16, 2017 [33 favorites]

ricochet biscuit: "Can we take all the carrot/carat puns as a given?"

OK, but I'm sure there's a "one too many De Beers" pun lurking in this somewhere…
posted by Pinback at 7:43 PM on August 16, 2017

It would be pretty straight forward to set this situation up (carrots send a thin root down pretty well immediately after germinating and then grow thicker over the growing season). Just plant a seed directly over a subterranean ring.

Doing so might make a wicked, if long term and somewhat serendipitous, method of proposing.
posted by Mitheral at 10:32 PM on August 16, 2017 [3 favorites]

or very expensive bunny poop
posted by poffin boffin at 12:02 AM on August 17, 2017

Meanwhile, this week in a nearby village...

And they cite the Loughborough Echo! On the one day that I don't check the local newspaper, they post a story like this. (And apparently, right next to that a story about a different find: Loughborough man finds set of false teeth outside his home.)
posted by erdferkel at 12:35 AM on August 17, 2017 [1 favorite]

Okay, something is going on here. Like Goldfinger said, "Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. The third time it¡¯s enemy action."
posted by Naberius at 6:10 AM on August 17, 2017 [2 favorites]

FROM RING LOSS TO RING TOSS: HOW CARROTS ARE REVOLUTIONIZING THE JEWELRY RECOVERY INDUSTRY
posted by ian1977 at 6:53 AM on August 17, 2017 [2 favorites]

Like Goldfinger said...

I see what you did there.
posted by Mchelly at 8:00 AM on August 17, 2017

How many wedding rings are hiding in gardens that the carrots miss? The soil must be thick with them.
posted by jason_steakums at 9:02 AM on August 17, 2017 [4 favorites]

From a statistics point of view, this does not seem too surprising. Gardening is presubably a fantastic way to lose a ring* in the soil. Of all common crops likely to encounter a lost ring, perhaps carrots are not at the top of the list, quite. But presmuing contact, the carrot root is probably more likely than other crops harvested for its root to enter within the ring's circumference and then swell enough to capture it. Median finger diameter is well within the range of diameters covered by a mature carrot. Given that gardening involves typically no more than 8 inches of soil disturbance¡ªand a carrot can easily cover that depth in its growth¡ªwe're talking about repeated full penetration into the likely ring loss depth, in a region closely corellated to the loss scenario, and with virtually guaranteed discovery subsequent to capture.

I think I lost my wedding ring on a driveway of crushed stone over dirt some years ago. Maybe I ought to turn that driveway into a carrot garden.

* note on reporting bias factor: a recovered wedding or engagement ring is more likely to be published than recovered rings of other types
posted by maniabug at 1:44 PM on August 17, 2017 [2 favorites]

My husband heard about the latest story, but not the garden bit, and thought to himself, "What are the odds you'd buy the bunch of carrots with your ring in it?"
posted by epj at 8:11 PM on August 17, 2017 [4 favorites]